Don't You Wonder...

If anything bothers me more than anything, it is probably my twin brother.  But some of these things bother me just as much.  For example:

1.  Drivers who speed up in traffic.

• Guess what genius, I just passed you, and that was after you just cut me off and five other cars just so you can get to the left lane. 

2.  Bicyclists who bike in the middle of the road.

• This annoys me more than getting updates on my phone telling me that our stock market has fallen another 400 points-- and yes, I own stocks.

3.  People who pretend to read the New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, or the Economist just to make themselves look smart.

• Hey, it is ok if you don't understand why Democrats and Republicans hate each other.  Just accept it.  

4.  Friends who pay for their meal without taxes and tips

• Who do you think I am? The Salvation Army? Do I need to ring a bell to tell you that we are not at a fast food restaurant?

5.  People who drink decaf coffee

• Do you want to wake up? If not, drink some tea and treat yourself to some crackers you wussies.